I looked at how my friends wore fabric shoes. Cool!! Converse was too mainstream. The ones bought on the street or blogs were much more appealing. Guys with white t painted with a few splashes of paint, fabric sneakers, fabric bag, worn out checkered shirt, swoon...
Now I see the students walk to class wearing fabric shoes. I like it a lot. Cool!!! My job doesn't allow me to wear such footwear, so I make my brother get something like those. I'm so much into cool, inexpensive stuffs. How I wish to go to Pipit, flea markets and such where uniqueness and creativity are overflowing. Awesomeness!
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I was envious of them friends, coursemates, classmates, etc. How could they afford Zara, MNG, Roxy, Esprit and the likes? How could students wear Dorothy Perkins to class as if it's just some kind pasar malam outfits? Being able to splurge my study loan on a few pieces of Forever21 was big enough for me.
When everyone is in deep sleep, I turn on my laptop to browse the flashy things flashy people wear. I even calculate my saving, how much do I need to cut from my food to get a pre-loved Balenciaga. Cuz I saw someone carrying the original LV. I think I need to get something from the high end labels too. I want to look exquisite. Dabbing Clinique moisturiser and carrying Givenchy. Perfection.
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These two things contradict each other. As much as I want to be an individual, seen as an individual, I'm still blinded by things that blindfold other lost people. As much as I want to value internal qualities, I still gravitate towards superficiality. I'm still lying to myself. I'm still indecisive as to which path is ME
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