Ain't Wise Enough to Make A TItle for It

It has been a few days, I'm doing fine. Not entirely ok but definitely better. i guess that was a breaking point. Decisions made, lessons learnt. As we grow wrinkles and hair's thinning and memory's getting bad, there's no way we could keep us the way we used to. I've learnt the price of getting too emotionally attached. It's bad. Had I given room for insanity, trying so much to justify myself, to get what I think I deserve, I could've lost it. I believe I've admitted my wrongs and I was sincere doing that, and so I would let go of the things that I should've had but didn't. 

Right now, I just wanna live in peace, laugh heartily again...And I've had fun with new mates. To say that I don't make friends, that's hasty. I might not get instantly warm and chummy but I still enjoy smiling. I don't immediately consider them to be important to me but I still enjoy having fun with them. Chewing gum is fun and sugary but after some time, it's bland and less exciting you wanna spit it out. I hope that's not what I'm gonna do. I still wanna chew and keep it. For that, the gum has to mean a lot first.

It's ok now, I could swallow the views that I couldn't stand. The damage is done so I might not care as much as I used to and that heals me faster. I would spend more time writing on the vanilla-coloured papers. Perhaps, a cup of tea and a slice of cake would be good companions to my recycled book. Wahhh...Just like what they do on tv. But yeah, I wanna do that, me and the inanimate companions. Katie said it doesn't have to be the habitual, random things work too. Arigatou ne Katie chan. And chingu also ^_^ 

nervous

 I hope it'd lead to something better. I hope she'd really open up and mean what she'd say. Cuz I would believe what she'd say


I don't know what to expect, I can't even guess. 


I just want us to get better


toes and fingers, freezing. heart beats fast

from bad to worse

I've poured my heart out and the other friend apparently is facing the same conflict. Ironically, I don't feel relieved. I don't feel at ease. Our circle has become worse. The urge to just confront and talk becomes more tempting and I need to think about that

serendipity

it's a blog by a friend. I like her. no we didn't really talk back then. she's more like someone-i-know. I knew so little about her but then I found her secret place, tho I'm not really sure if it's a secret. She's good with words. I like her as much as I like nani. I've always wanted eloquence to express my thoughts, my crankiness, complaints, joy, gratitude, jokes...myself. I'm just not good with words. She's a different story. It's the side that I've not seen of her. Then again, we were nothing more but university acquaintances.

At certain times, she speaks my mind convincingly, she disses with style, she complains in a less self-pitiful way. Something that I lack.

I guess I easily adore people who speak my thoughts like a warrior. Probably because people don't really get me most of the time and that is troublesome especially when I need to get along with people. Especially when the people are the ones whom your bestie suddenly has so much fun with. Especially when you fail to do so, u're kicked out ouf the rink. And my mood swings lately, that only adds hatred. At times like this, I read people's rants and I go 'exactly!!!', 'hi 5ive to you lah', etc. I really wanted to reply them, speaking up my responses but I choose to stay unknown unheard unseen of. It's comfortable this way. And less troublesome later on, should any of my writings be found

And to that someone-I-know, I read you not to butt in on your life or makcik-ing around. I'm simpy defining myself, trying to speak a better language. Yess unlike you, I'm turning 26 soon and I've just started this journey

to that friend

seems like you'd b doing just fine without me.
you laugh more than you do when it's just the 2 of us.


i'm sorry. i'm hurt

the alter ego that i've been keeping dormant

detest

resent

hate

annoyed

uncomfortable

irritated

distant

detached

i never knew i'm capable of feeling such feelings over someone. and no, its not like that person has stabbed me from the front and the back. i'm so negative. and to top the list is i keep trying to make things work with that person. only to fail again miserably. perhaps because i do it to please other people, to fit in, not out of sincerity from my inner self

i never knew i could be a sucker and treat someone like that. wow