The Road Signs

So they are merely road signs I guess. Fin

The Next Phase

One by one, they're moving out and moving on. I'm still here, wondering when will it be my time. It's coming for sure, I know but I naturally anticipate and secretly hoping for it to come sooner.

I put a smile and those questions are made some laughables. All sugary outside, with extra icing on top when I'm a little goofier than usual. Or just act nonchalant. Not sure how long I can keep it that way. One day, I might get frustrated and be more cavemen than I already am.

I too want to go on the next stage, to be a wonderwall and to rely on a wonderwall. Those road signs, hopefully they mean so much more than just road signs.

Language Mastery

One day, one day.

To be able to use language that leaves marks. To write in simple words. To demand scrutiny to comprehend. To do these. In Bahasa Melayu

For that's the real language freak

I can lie to not just you but myself

At least, up to now, that's how I see it. "You can't lie to yourself" is a big lie. You can.
After some time, you'll start believing what you tell yourself to be true. It's called delusionment

i'm done

"never felt the way
i feel today
in so long it's hard for me to specify
i'm beginning to notice
how much this feels like the waking limb
pins and needles
nice to know you
goodbye!"

Heartquake

It's been three years and I've been masking my true feelings. Running away from finishing what I've passionately started. That's the easiest way to momentarily hide from such feeling that makes anyone feel like a loser.

I dont have that much time left n life is still chaotic. I long to feel at ease, genuinely at ease. I want to quieten the chaos. I want to reasonably and deservedly lament. Most importantly, I want that sense of achievement which has long been gone.



I should do more than just wanting 

It's about time to move from dormant to active.

You, my friend, have to restart again and I need to get mine done.

We shall keep ourselves busy and restless.

You, my friend. If I'm so sick to do this for myself, then I shall do this in the name of our friendship

Let's call it a pact.

To hit the rock bottom and rise together.

It was a sea of tears last night. It's been a while since the last time such anxiety, guilt, suffocation, helplessnes surfaced