so much for being such a loser

it's frustrating. I want to keep the distance, it gets closer instead. I feel uneasy. I think she knows exactly why I was putting the act. Can't she see it that I behave that way whenever the other person is around. How I wish she could see my pain. The pain that started since Shah Alam days. Yeah, I've done her wrong but hey this is too much to bear.

We have tonnes of things that make us distinct from one another. You and that person, you seem to have lotsa things in common. What now? Doesn't it seem just logical if I get down so easily? I feel left out. That's it. You're not mine, definitely and I never say you are. I'm not yours either. But to feel left behind, not being able to join the laughter, not being able to comprehend the jokes, not being able to be as funny, not being able to be as dependable. While you worship that person, it seems that we're oil and water. Just when things are about to dissolve, they suddenly become complicated again with uncalled invasion. I struggle to fit in. Do I really need to not be myself just to keep up with others? I seriously don't know. Both ways don't seem to do me any justice.

You seem happier when you're around that person and how can I complain bout that to you. All of a sudden, came this person bringing extremeties, something you don't experience throughout our friendship and she showers you with all the excitement, impresses you with her skills and abilities, claiming she knows you damn well. Yes, that makes me a second prize. It's like it doesn't even matter if I'm not around as long as that person is. The time that we put up the posters, and that is not the only time. Even when you talk, the use of pronouns and the way you address the listeners, it's like you're just talking to that person. Call me being super sensitive, blame my linguistic sensitivity, but doesn't that signal anything?

I'm not wise enough to describe that sucky feeling effectively. My language is so flat here. You see, I'm not even that good with wordplay either.



And above all, I despise myself for being such a pathetic being. I pity myself that I don't even have the courage to let this off my chest

dissertation

kills

one question that lightened up the situation

"Miss, did you win?"

Hahahhh!! I like that! Just when I entered the room, dazed and confused (hyperbole) with the commotion, I heard that and it really cracked me up. hey thanks a lot dude..Although your jokes are normally lame and kinda i-need-the-spotlights-on-me.

At least it's fairly visible that you're no dumb joker. You provoke me a lot. Intelligently

i agree...

...that facebook is getting more and more boring. whatever you post there is happily misunderstood. kinda sickening when u're speaking your mind only to find out later that people see you as an emo sicko, lamenting and complaining too much. they don't try to analyze my words wisely. in a few years, facebook is probably a history


"them being fools doesn't make my intelligence arrogance"
blobyblo

if they ask, i wish i could tell them this

i still go for looks, but never my priority. i go for random acts with a hint of quirkiness and loads of brilliance. too idealistic? i don't know

i could go on forever

dear edward cullen,
i still don't get the hype. i don't find you attractive. i admit, you're good looking but when the entire planet go crazy bout you, i can't comprehend that.

dear twilight fans,
just because i dont enjoy watching this movie, that doesnt make me a criminal. cmon, its individual preferences. and people define romantic in a lot of different ways

dear dear shoes,
would you get mad if i get a new pair? its only been a while but u'r already so so so worn out

dear kenshin,
i really don't know what i would become if you materialize in front of me, like transforming into real human *flustered

dear head,
you are moving so surprisingly slowly, it disappoints me. i don't even express myself well right now

dear already rusty vocabulary,
even the brats have higher vocab than you. what's with that?

dear nani,
i really envy your language skill

dear me,
why do you always feel bad after letting out ur anger?

dear brats,
each time i see that you really understand me, improve because of me, enjoy the time you spend with me, accomplish the tasks that i give you, i drive home feeling like i've just won a trophy

dear mak,
why does taking a good care of yourself seem like luxury to you? it really angers me when i see you trying too much to make things go easy for the others at the price of your rest. you deserve better treatment mak. please, say no to us when you need your rest

dear this person,
i don't get why did you have to bring out 'the other three'. i'm not close with them, not planning to get close either but i'm not jealous. i just feel indifferent bout them

dear this person again,
i think i wanna ask you if you're not satisfied with the way i contribute

dear them,
the reason why i don't care about you is i don't trust you and i think you're cunning

dear artistic side,
i'm ecstatic whenever you appear

dear eyes,
do get better

dear me,
keep changing. for good reasons

dear me again,
it's ok, you're not a carbon copy

dear dad,
it's never easy to show my affection to you. it's so natural with mak but i freeze when it's you. i feel awkward. i'm sorry i don't talk a lot to you. i'm sorry i don't give us a chance to grow closer

.i.am.mean.

i'm probably being biased towards you. each time i see you, each time i hear you, i see flaws and the flaws just continue piling up. this, dies down if you tone down a bit and keep a distance

"seeing you is like pulling teeth hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil"