from bad to worse

I've poured my heart out and the other friend apparently is facing the same conflict. Ironically, I don't feel relieved. I don't feel at ease. Our circle has become worse. The urge to just confront and talk becomes more tempting and I need to think about that

serendipity

it's a blog by a friend. I like her. no we didn't really talk back then. she's more like someone-i-know. I knew so little about her but then I found her secret place, tho I'm not really sure if it's a secret. She's good with words. I like her as much as I like nani. I've always wanted eloquence to express my thoughts, my crankiness, complaints, joy, gratitude, jokes...myself. I'm just not good with words. She's a different story. It's the side that I've not seen of her. Then again, we were nothing more but university acquaintances.

At certain times, she speaks my mind convincingly, she disses with style, she complains in a less self-pitiful way. Something that I lack.

I guess I easily adore people who speak my thoughts like a warrior. Probably because people don't really get me most of the time and that is troublesome especially when I need to get along with people. Especially when the people are the ones whom your bestie suddenly has so much fun with. Especially when you fail to do so, u're kicked out ouf the rink. And my mood swings lately, that only adds hatred. At times like this, I read people's rants and I go 'exactly!!!', 'hi 5ive to you lah', etc. I really wanted to reply them, speaking up my responses but I choose to stay unknown unheard unseen of. It's comfortable this way. And less troublesome later on, should any of my writings be found

And to that someone-I-know, I read you not to butt in on your life or makcik-ing around. I'm simpy defining myself, trying to speak a better language. Yess unlike you, I'm turning 26 soon and I've just started this journey

to that friend

seems like you'd b doing just fine without me.
you laugh more than you do when it's just the 2 of us.


i'm sorry. i'm hurt

the alter ego that i've been keeping dormant

detest

resent

hate

annoyed

uncomfortable

irritated

distant

detached

i never knew i'm capable of feeling such feelings over someone. and no, its not like that person has stabbed me from the front and the back. i'm so negative. and to top the list is i keep trying to make things work with that person. only to fail again miserably. perhaps because i do it to please other people, to fit in, not out of sincerity from my inner self

i never knew i could be a sucker and treat someone like that. wow

Childhood wish has not yet come true

I want that. I really want that. doesn't have to be spacious, doesn't to be elaborate.

I just want it to be airy, filled with colours, mess-free and clean, the one that allows the sun to take a peek into it. Ahh...that would be beautiful. The first time I saw mon's room I was lovestruck, I took an instant liking to that place. Great architecture, very practical and the sun shine is just enough. She was talking to me, catching up but I'm sorry, mon, my mind was scheming what would I do had that been my room. I'm almost 26 yet I've never had such a room that has ME in it. Not that I mind sharing. It's more fun to have a roommie. It'd be loads and loads of fun if our space looks more inviting and has less hoards.

One day I would have it. I would live in a space where I can have fresh air circulating, coloured by sunlight. I would. I would.

SEPET=CUTESY!!!

Girls with short hair + sepet. Homaii homaiiii...so pretty


this is exactly why i'm not fond of girls wearing contact lenses to make their eyes anime-like, hoping it'd add extra cuteness to their looks. Major failure! When it first started in Japan, well the Japs could pull it off and Ayumi certainly looks dolly, not to my preference tho. As it reaches Malaysian shore, the girls here got hysterical, complementing each others' fake pupils. In my eyes, you girls look done.

Me, Butthurt

getting all butthurt only hurts me more. I decide to put an end to it, no that's not realistic. I decide to put that somewhere else, obviously it's not even easy. Maybe I should just keep myself busy.

All this mess just makes it difficult to respect myself. Of course I wish the cause of this mess could just vanish. And that only makes me even more pathetic, not being able to handle it smartly with full dignity