I'm Glad We Went to See Him

I didn't get to go to the southern part.

I didn't have new baju kurung.

I couldn't find the new bag that I need. Urgently.

I didn't get anything though the sale was extended.

I haven't taken my deposit back because the sugus-themed watch strap was no longer available.

I celebrated another eid single, despite the annual declaration to get hitched.

I didn't get replies.

I screwed another chance. I literally let that go wihtout a single serious attempt to make use of it.

I apologized and I started to hate.

I am still not done with what I've started.

I turned down invitations to meet up with old friends.

I somehow felt differently about some of those in my circle.

I didn't get anything done during the break and so I didn't keep a promise to myself.

But I got to see that old man and that has brought a lot of meaning to my Eid celebration.

That wise old guy is very much the same as I remembered him 14 years ago. Only much older.
And frail.

nothing beats these

"Thank you for teaching me, Miss"
"Halalkan ilmu yang Miss bagi kat sy"





...the bestEST thing from students

yui, azreenchan and other introverts in the world

As I grow, I value my true self more and more. I read and I get inspired. My world gets widened.
Despite the superficial relationships that modern people *including me* get themselves into, I learn that I'm not the only one and I don't have to be anything I'm not.

So I'm lazy but I go by the book at times. Those days, I loved getting my work done before it's time, I follow rules as not to get myself and others into troubles. JUst because that's not necessarily what others believe, I re-adjust my thinking. For the sake of fitting in. For the sake of not wanting to be made fun of. Because "skema" aint cool and I wanted to be cool.

I miss the original me.

I have changed. The changes flatter me, the changes make me feel like a poser. How I envy those who are very much themselves. I appreciate my solitary moments but I hate being seen as a loner. Ironic! There are days when I hope they have gone to work earlier so I can be myself, I can be with me, eating what I like, playing my music that they find alien. There are moments when I walk back to the office hoping to have just the furniture and the stationery welcoming me back. Deep inside I'm a happy loner. Just that I've never said it

Now that I've gathered the courage to admit it, they never believe me.

And I feel funny having to justify myself so hard. So I stop and let it be

Happy Injection

• Colourful cellophan tapes...I'm not yet a hoarder, aspiring to be one
• papers papers papers recycled papers, textured papers.talking bout intoxication
• etsy-never knew how addictive that site could be
• misty morning. excitement jerker
• clean car
• airy room
• moleskine journal from azreenchan. that girl is such a doll

there's a lot more but listing them all would make me late for class. not a good impression there
anyway, i'm happy, i'm smiling. i might be laughing next

PATIENCE

easier said than done

gotta keep it nevertheless

i'm partly at fault too. big time!

This girl

I guess I easily plant my eyes on the introverts. They always make me put effort to break their defensive shells and open up to me. Students, classmates, musicians, even tv characters. As I find it difficult to keep up with the chitty chatty ones, it feels warm to be able to engage in a conversation with them, to follow their characters. 

Why? I can't really tell. One thing that I know would be I enjoy learning the other sides of them. These people always have something in store. Something they are too shy to share with others or too private they rather keep it to themselves. Either way, they are quite of a talent. Some are extremely good that the loud ones are no match for them. Wait, that's stereotypical. Regardless of personality, humans are capable of good and bad, talents and junks. Then, why do I take special interest if the thing comes from these lay-low people? I don't know.

Maybe it's the challenge. I feel the urge to dig out what gems I could find. Sometimes, they are just metals but I get hooked and act as if they worth the whole world. Maybe I don't really like gems after all. Maybe its metal that excites me.

I love Yui. She's crazy famous but she ain't all cutesy and stardom chaser. At first, I thought it was aloofness but then I learnt that she's almost socially awkward, the one who could suddenly get nervous attack and all. If it's other musicians, staying quiet, not showing interest to others is arrogance. Having to restart their performance for about three times, that's lack of preparation, a big damage. But it's Yui, it's a different story. She makes us go through her struggle to overcome her trembles, nervousness together. I could watch her giggles with the old guy again and again. Ah, even to put that into words, I don't know how. To point out her good points, I don't know how.

I like pretty girls and she doesn't have the looks that I usually stare and get myself amazed with. Her photoshoot pictures seem awkward. Each time she tries to pull it off, it comes out pretty much done. She has no swag. Her fashion sense is nothing million-worth. The expressions she wears on face are nothing dynamic. Her voice is not that great. She's just...humble. And I kept spazzin her for that.

Ain't Wise Enough to Make A TItle for It

It has been a few days, I'm doing fine. Not entirely ok but definitely better. i guess that was a breaking point. Decisions made, lessons learnt. As we grow wrinkles and hair's thinning and memory's getting bad, there's no way we could keep us the way we used to. I've learnt the price of getting too emotionally attached. It's bad. Had I given room for insanity, trying so much to justify myself, to get what I think I deserve, I could've lost it. I believe I've admitted my wrongs and I was sincere doing that, and so I would let go of the things that I should've had but didn't. 

Right now, I just wanna live in peace, laugh heartily again...And I've had fun with new mates. To say that I don't make friends, that's hasty. I might not get instantly warm and chummy but I still enjoy smiling. I don't immediately consider them to be important to me but I still enjoy having fun with them. Chewing gum is fun and sugary but after some time, it's bland and less exciting you wanna spit it out. I hope that's not what I'm gonna do. I still wanna chew and keep it. For that, the gum has to mean a lot first.

It's ok now, I could swallow the views that I couldn't stand. The damage is done so I might not care as much as I used to and that heals me faster. I would spend more time writing on the vanilla-coloured papers. Perhaps, a cup of tea and a slice of cake would be good companions to my recycled book. Wahhh...Just like what they do on tv. But yeah, I wanna do that, me and the inanimate companions. Katie said it doesn't have to be the habitual, random things work too. Arigatou ne Katie chan. And chingu also ^_^