Burden taken off my chest

Aahh...Its just relieving to know that someone feels the same, share the same view. And its their own feelings, they are so real about it. Makes me relieved to know I was not making things up, not being overly sensitive.

I'm clingy and I'm jealous of...

I hate to use that J word. I really feel like talking bout it with someone. I want to let it out. I've tried but it's never easy. Its so not cool to be like this I know. Its irritating to her I know. Last time, its still acceptable. I was younger. This time makes no sense. I'm a grown up. SOmehow, I keep doing it. Karma. I once neglected her for someone else. Now I have to endure the pain of being in jealous sea

when i'm not in a good mood...

...I just need to look at a guy who is a leftie

I'm cheery again

trust the first plan

i never ask ur opinion. ok i admit, this only shows how insecure i can be sometimes. if i really dont care, i wouldnt get mad in the first place. or is it cuz i was irritated?

I should've done it alone. At peace, at my own pace, my own taste

the food was great...

...with all the ingredients that perked up my taste buds. And tears almost dropped. The painful pain was screaming inside, watching his trembling hands spooning slowly tho greedily the meal in. I couldnt finish my meal, I gave half of mine to him. He didn't say no. I was afraid that the sweet poison in the food would mess with his sleep, that his legs would get cranky but he seemed to really enjoy it and i ended up offering the stuffs that would damage his health more. I hope it didnt.

Its difficult to swallow that this man is old. I rarely talk to him and now he's old. Their relationship got a lot better and I should be happy. Its weird. I am happy. Happily sad

As I was driving back, listening to some kpop craps, I felt that sharp pain again. It was jerking my tears out. For no reason I really felt like crying a lot. And now I'm worried that I might get the call again. The same call last Ramadhan and the same call 12yrs ago

wishes

I hope I wont feel awkward around them
I hope I wont feel fake
I hope it'd be hell lot of fun
I hope I don't gain weight
I hope the food won't go wasted
I hope I won't cry too much
I hope all my work will be done
I hope the one week off could be extended
I hope I'd enjoy Hari Raya as much as I did when I was younger

lessons learnt

I never knew I would shed a lot of tears. considering our relationship that wasnt that good. Yeah it got better on your few last days. We've all seen how you suffered so when you left, I somehow felt relieved. I've been praying that I would accept whichever way that is best for you. And I do.

I wonder how does he feel. He was next to you when you took the last breath. Of all people, I believe he is the one affected the most. He might not be the greatest man nor greatest dad nor greatest son, at least according to some people. But thinking back, he stood by you at your weakest point. And I got to know why he doesnt put any trust on doctors. It was the mercy killing that took his dad away. The Suntikan Kasih Sayang. Crap! I wouldnt blame hihm. And I will respect his decision if he refuses medical treatment even tho the disease is eating him up. I will endure the guilt and pain that I feel, wacthing him holding on every little strength that he still has. I'm sure it'l rip my heart but I will respect his decision. I will.