PATIENCE

easier said than done

gotta keep it nevertheless

i'm partly at fault too. big time!

This girl

I guess I easily plant my eyes on the introverts. They always make me put effort to break their defensive shells and open up to me. Students, classmates, musicians, even tv characters. As I find it difficult to keep up with the chitty chatty ones, it feels warm to be able to engage in a conversation with them, to follow their characters. 

Why? I can't really tell. One thing that I know would be I enjoy learning the other sides of them. These people always have something in store. Something they are too shy to share with others or too private they rather keep it to themselves. Either way, they are quite of a talent. Some are extremely good that the loud ones are no match for them. Wait, that's stereotypical. Regardless of personality, humans are capable of good and bad, talents and junks. Then, why do I take special interest if the thing comes from these lay-low people? I don't know.

Maybe it's the challenge. I feel the urge to dig out what gems I could find. Sometimes, they are just metals but I get hooked and act as if they worth the whole world. Maybe I don't really like gems after all. Maybe its metal that excites me.

I love Yui. She's crazy famous but she ain't all cutesy and stardom chaser. At first, I thought it was aloofness but then I learnt that she's almost socially awkward, the one who could suddenly get nervous attack and all. If it's other musicians, staying quiet, not showing interest to others is arrogance. Having to restart their performance for about three times, that's lack of preparation, a big damage. But it's Yui, it's a different story. She makes us go through her struggle to overcome her trembles, nervousness together. I could watch her giggles with the old guy again and again. Ah, even to put that into words, I don't know how. To point out her good points, I don't know how.

I like pretty girls and she doesn't have the looks that I usually stare and get myself amazed with. Her photoshoot pictures seem awkward. Each time she tries to pull it off, it comes out pretty much done. She has no swag. Her fashion sense is nothing million-worth. The expressions she wears on face are nothing dynamic. Her voice is not that great. She's just...humble. And I kept spazzin her for that.

Ain't Wise Enough to Make A TItle for It

It has been a few days, I'm doing fine. Not entirely ok but definitely better. i guess that was a breaking point. Decisions made, lessons learnt. As we grow wrinkles and hair's thinning and memory's getting bad, there's no way we could keep us the way we used to. I've learnt the price of getting too emotionally attached. It's bad. Had I given room for insanity, trying so much to justify myself, to get what I think I deserve, I could've lost it. I believe I've admitted my wrongs and I was sincere doing that, and so I would let go of the things that I should've had but didn't. 

Right now, I just wanna live in peace, laugh heartily again...And I've had fun with new mates. To say that I don't make friends, that's hasty. I might not get instantly warm and chummy but I still enjoy smiling. I don't immediately consider them to be important to me but I still enjoy having fun with them. Chewing gum is fun and sugary but after some time, it's bland and less exciting you wanna spit it out. I hope that's not what I'm gonna do. I still wanna chew and keep it. For that, the gum has to mean a lot first.

It's ok now, I could swallow the views that I couldn't stand. The damage is done so I might not care as much as I used to and that heals me faster. I would spend more time writing on the vanilla-coloured papers. Perhaps, a cup of tea and a slice of cake would be good companions to my recycled book. Wahhh...Just like what they do on tv. But yeah, I wanna do that, me and the inanimate companions. Katie said it doesn't have to be the habitual, random things work too. Arigatou ne Katie chan. And chingu also ^_^ 

nervous

 I hope it'd lead to something better. I hope she'd really open up and mean what she'd say. Cuz I would believe what she'd say


I don't know what to expect, I can't even guess. 


I just want us to get better


toes and fingers, freezing. heart beats fast

from bad to worse

I've poured my heart out and the other friend apparently is facing the same conflict. Ironically, I don't feel relieved. I don't feel at ease. Our circle has become worse. The urge to just confront and talk becomes more tempting and I need to think about that

serendipity

it's a blog by a friend. I like her. no we didn't really talk back then. she's more like someone-i-know. I knew so little about her but then I found her secret place, tho I'm not really sure if it's a secret. She's good with words. I like her as much as I like nani. I've always wanted eloquence to express my thoughts, my crankiness, complaints, joy, gratitude, jokes...myself. I'm just not good with words. She's a different story. It's the side that I've not seen of her. Then again, we were nothing more but university acquaintances.

At certain times, she speaks my mind convincingly, she disses with style, she complains in a less self-pitiful way. Something that I lack.

I guess I easily adore people who speak my thoughts like a warrior. Probably because people don't really get me most of the time and that is troublesome especially when I need to get along with people. Especially when the people are the ones whom your bestie suddenly has so much fun with. Especially when you fail to do so, u're kicked out ouf the rink. And my mood swings lately, that only adds hatred. At times like this, I read people's rants and I go 'exactly!!!', 'hi 5ive to you lah', etc. I really wanted to reply them, speaking up my responses but I choose to stay unknown unheard unseen of. It's comfortable this way. And less troublesome later on, should any of my writings be found

And to that someone-I-know, I read you not to butt in on your life or makcik-ing around. I'm simpy defining myself, trying to speak a better language. Yess unlike you, I'm turning 26 soon and I've just started this journey

to that friend

seems like you'd b doing just fine without me.
you laugh more than you do when it's just the 2 of us.


i'm sorry. i'm hurt